Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My heart longs to "spill its guts" right now and whine to someone about life. I could moan and groan about how frustrated I am with various aspects of life. Or I could vent for hours how its not fair that certain things we want and crave so bad are being withheld from us. I desire so much to remove all my walls of restraint and dump my emotions on some poor soul until the ache in my heart disappears and the tears are no longer hovering at the brink.

But I don't have that freedom. I don't have the freedom to share most of what is going on in my heart because it would be foolish and unwise to do so. But mostly, I don't have the freedom because God has blessed me more than I ever deserve. And while aspects of our life are so painful for Andy and I, and they cause us so much grief and sorrow, He has blessed us! The Lord has been continually faithful to us, and that won't stop now. This has become my mantra - He's faithful; He's faithful; God is faithful; God is faithful!

I have no explanation currently for any of the verses that say God will grant us the desires of our heart. I have no concept of understanding that "no good thing will He withhold from those who are called according to His purpose". Because it seems like He is withholding. Like he hears and knows the desires of our heart and yet refuses to allow them to occur. To be perfectly honest I only know these verses are true because they're part of God's Word - but not because I have seen them to be true in the past year and a half.

However, He is faithful! God has granted us salvation and the promise of eternal life. He is faithful! He has always provided so that we can have food on the table, pay our bills, and even go on mini vacations. God is faithful. We have more than so many and I am so grateful.

But sometimes there are still longings and aches - groanings that can't be spoken. And once again God is faithful - because the Holy Spirit interecedes on our behalf when all we have are groanings in our heart.


Annie said...

praying for you... I have felt your words before. You are a wise woman. He IS faithful!! Praying for GOD's mighty hand to bless you!