Disappointment

Today was a momentous day. Not because of something great, but rather some serious disappointment. The actual situation doesn't matter, but what matters is for the first time I let Reed down. Not myself in my lofty expectations...but I realistically let Reed down.

He won't remember it, and it's not the end of the world. But for me it matters and I remember it. I'm so disappointed that I let him down. But then it hit me...it will happen again.

Not this situation again, but other things. There might be that toy we don't get him that he really really wants but we can't/won't spend the money on it. There might be that first car he wants that he doesn't get. There will be big and small things throughout his life where his mom & dad disappoint - and it has to be ok. 

I am not perfect. I'm not Pinterest perfect...I'll never be super stylish, put effort into my hair, fix the greatest lunchbox lunches, have a spotless house, make the cutest crafts, buy the most healthy groceries, or whatever else we moms are "supposed" to do. I will let Reed down. I will disappoint. Because I'm not God. 

God is the perfect parent - our Abba. He gets it right. He perfectly protects, perfectly loves, perfectly serves, perfectly provides...He's perfectly perfect. He is my example and I strive to be that. But I'm not. 

So what can I do? Sit back and become lackadaisical about parenting? No! I have to pick myself up and handle it. And today that's what I did. I apologized to Reed even though he won't remember it. I explained that I'll let him down even though I don't want to. I reminded him that I'm not perfect but God is...and that He's really the best one to rely on. And I promised that I would keep striving to be my best. 

So disappointment happened today, but it's ok. Tomorrow is another day...for triumphs and disappointments. What matters is how we handle it.

Dear Parents: parenting matters

Dear parents,

Parenting is exhausting. It’s hard work – I know from experience. Kids get into everything, play with everything…and then leave everything. I get it. It’s tiring and overwhelming and wonderful – sometimes even all at once! But from one mom to another, can I be honest for a second?

I firmly believe we are doing our kids a disservice. When we are tired and we don’t enforce rules, we’re saying apathy is ok. When we laugh off a child’s failure to put things back where it belongs, we teach them not to value cleanliness. When we let a child tear up property that isn’t theirs and don’t do anything about it, we fail to educate our child that everything has value and is worth protecting.

This comes from some recent observations and it’s frustrating. Sure, you probably took your kid(s) to this place because they were climbing the walls at your house! However, we don’t get a break from parenting (unless you count those nights where the babysitter’s in charge – please parents, tell me you take those nights!?). We knew that when we were pregnant and attended the baby classes. But now we KNOW it! We live it. It takes a toll on us. But in the scheme of life, 18 years is nothing. So hang in there parents. We’re all tired. We all are overwhelmed. But please please please! Don’t give up on parenting.

Teach your child they can play with as many things as they want, but what they get out must go back in its own place. Teach your child to respect property – both theirs and others. Teach them that if something breaks, gets torn, or they lose their mind for a minute that it’s ok, but that there are consequences. The consequence may be simply saying “I’m sorry” or it may be working to earn money to replace it. But teach them consequences. Teach them with rewards too! Reward their good behavior! Reward them for putting things back. Reward them for obeying rules! It doesn’t mean big rewards – verbal praise or a hug is enough. They simply need to know that they’re doing things right.

We lose the right to complain about other's children, or our society, or even simply our own children when we forget to parent. If we're not living it - in the trenches, exhausted, weary, overwhelmed to tears, excited, laughing with our kiddos, rolling on the floor, baking cookies, and cleaning the house side by side with them - we don't get to complain. Today, I'm in it. Today I'm living it, so I write this with a clear conscious. Tomorrow, this may come back to bite me. It's a day by day struggle and I know it.  Hang in there! Keep it up! Parenting matters. You matter.

Teenagers

"If we are to have significant influence of our teenage children we must have their hearts. Winning their hearts means gaining the opportunity to influence who they are, not just what they do."

This quote was found in this article that has been making a bit of buzz... good stuff in there. http://www.joshharris.com/2011/09/homeschool_blindspots.php
The article is kind of about homeschooling and more importantly about things to be cautious of doing as a parent - its not a negative towards homeschooling in my opinion. Certainly it's an article that any parent can benefit from whether homeschooling or not. But I don't have kids...so why was I reading it? The hubs sent me the link and asked me to look it over. He had gleaned some insights from it of things to be cautious of when we do become parents one day. So I read it. Good stuff. Wise words from a father who made mistakes and realized them only after his son was grown.

Anyway, back to the quote. As the wife of a Student Pastor, we work with teenagers weekly. In fact, I've been working with teenagers since I was a teenager myself. I have "kids" that I've watched grow up from middle school to now college and beyond. People can tell me I don't know what it's like to have kids of my own, and that's partly true, but I have known the heartache of trying to advise, teach, and encourage young people and seeing them reject it. I've also known the pride and joy of seeing my "kids" walk with the Lord and serve him faithfully! And in the middle of my working with teenagers the quote it true. If we don't have their hearts, all we do and say will fall silently. Until we have their heart, we will not be able to see life-change. It's hard to earn it. But it's so worth it when you can influence who they are and not just what they do. What a reminder to me to persevere with our students - to not give up and to keep working to gain their heart.