Disappointment

Today was a momentous day. Not because of something great, but rather some serious disappointment. The actual situation doesn't matter, but what matters is for the first time I let Reed down. Not myself in my lofty expectations...but I realistically let Reed down.

He won't remember it, and it's not the end of the world. But for me it matters and I remember it. I'm so disappointed that I let him down. But then it hit me...it will happen again.

Not this situation again, but other things. There might be that toy we don't get him that he really really wants but we can't/won't spend the money on it. There might be that first car he wants that he doesn't get. There will be big and small things throughout his life where his mom & dad disappoint - and it has to be ok. 

I am not perfect. I'm not Pinterest perfect...I'll never be super stylish, put effort into my hair, fix the greatest lunchbox lunches, have a spotless house, make the cutest crafts, buy the most healthy groceries, or whatever else we moms are "supposed" to do. I will let Reed down. I will disappoint. Because I'm not God. 

God is the perfect parent - our Abba. He gets it right. He perfectly protects, perfectly loves, perfectly serves, perfectly provides...He's perfectly perfect. He is my example and I strive to be that. But I'm not. 

So what can I do? Sit back and become lackadaisical about parenting? No! I have to pick myself up and handle it. And today that's what I did. I apologized to Reed even though he won't remember it. I explained that I'll let him down even though I don't want to. I reminded him that I'm not perfect but God is...and that He's really the best one to rely on. And I promised that I would keep striving to be my best. 

So disappointment happened today, but it's ok. Tomorrow is another day...for triumphs and disappointments. What matters is how we handle it.

Hospitality redefined

When you think of hospitality do you think of women in your church who wear matching shirts or aprons and say hi to people as they enter a women's ministry event?

Perhaps you think of a hospitality table or tent at an event - that place that provides information and assistance on where to go, the things offered, etc.

Or maybe it is simply a word you don't think of. There's a trend pattern I've been noticing in people - especially us married women. (And before I go here, I realize not everyone is this way. I realize some people excel at the things I'm about to talk on.) We seem to forget how much we need friends. We know our kids need friends so we have play dates, and as a result our friends are the parents of our child's friends. Or we acknowledge our need for friends, but do nothing to engage in purposeful time with them. We say hi to them as we pass in the hallways at church, uttering that all too familiar phrase "lets get together soon!". It comes from a sincere place, but frankly it probably won't happen. Because there's soccer (or volleyball, track, football, cheer, dance, puppetry, invisible swimming or any other possible extracurricular we can have our kids in), homework, work, projects on the house, cleaning the house, etc. Or maybe for us younger moms our lives are dominated by feeding schedules, nap times, bed times, squeezing in a bath and teeth brushing (seriously, no one gets both of those done on the same day right?!?! or am I alone?) and then finally settling in with the hubs to share a few moments of silence before we crash into the pillow and start the day again - when do we have time for girls nights or even lunch?

We're busy. I get it. I am too! However, it's time to do something about it.

"Creativity is the ability to see relationships where none exist."
- Thomas Disch

Maybe that's the key. To see relationships where none exist. For instance, in a week a friend of mine is coming over on a Saturday and is helping me declutter our guest room/office before my inlaws come in town. It's going to be messy and a true insight into the "clean" house she's seen several times before. But she will be a third party ruthless purger and I need that. So I'm letting down my pride and letting my friend in. It'll be quality time spent with, I'm sure, lots of laughter. Cleaning my clutter and working on a friendship - a relationship where none should exist. But it works!

Another friend and I have run errands around town before, kids in tow - mundane, nothing special, an opportunity to get to know this precious friend better and just live life together.

Or perhaps we need to get serious about our homes. We have these homes that we stress over keeping clean, that we decorate just so, that we spend time in - why not show it off? Even if the floor is dirty or the dishes aren't clean. Maybe we just need to invite people over - whether we have tons in common or not. What's the harm in having them once?

This is something Andy and I take pretty serious. That sounds silly - having people over and throwing parties really is serious business for us though. That's ultimately why we have a guest book at our entry way. It's two-fold: 1) it's fun! but 2) it keeps us accountable - if it's been a while since we've had people, or if its the same people that book serves a reminder to get out invite people in more. We've become friends with all sorts of different people in our church this way. We've also connected people who never knew each other and they've become friends too. It's awesome! Just the other night I hosted a girls night in. Nothing fancy - everyone brought an appetizer or dessert and we played board games. We laughed and had fun (and hardly mentioned kids!!), but the coolest part was looking around at the differences in my living room. Some have kids, some don't. Some have grown kids, I have a toddler. I was the youngest - there were women who could be my mom. We shouldn't have fun together if you look only at demographics. But we do! And not just because they're all godly ladies, but because we all have a need for people to give us advice, encourage us, listen to our heart aches, and laugh with over Apples to Apples. And that's what happened!

Rereading this I wonder if this blog is all over the place...or if it sounds like I'm bragging. I'm not trying to. I fail miserably at friendships and creativity within those. I've let good friends fall by the wayside from time to time. But I am passionate about it!

We must get creative. Read the Bible - look at the lives of the disciples and the early church. The coolest thing that sticks out to me? They lived LIFE together. Not just fun exciting things. They faced hardships together. They went to wedding and parties together. They fished (grocery shopped?) together. They read God's word together. They didn't just get together for an organized Bible Study or fun event. They didn't wave at each other or only talk about their kids. They lived life together.

That's what hospitality looks like I think. That's what discipleship, evangelism, ministry, and at the base of it all Christ looks like. The ability to see relationships where none exist. There is no time like the present. We can do it. We as moms of munchkins or empty nesters. We as women, working or stay at home. Carve out time...whether it's 10 minutes dropping off cookies unexpectedly, an hour of pb & j lunches in your messy house, or 5 hour game nights. Let's get intentional. Let's get creative. Let's revolutionize friendships in our busy lives!

A challenge to be brave

Proverbs 31:28-29

(NLT) 

Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: "there are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!"

(MSG)

Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"

(I love that!! Outclassed...girls! Strive to be classier than all the rest)

We know this passage. It's the one used again & again by Satan to make us feel inferior, jealous and even bitter. This woman makes us feel insignificant, puny and overwhelmed! Kudos to her for not needing sleep and being able to sew we think sarcastically. But this passage is so much more.

"Virtuous" in Hebrew means valor, efficiency, bravery, and strength. It is the same word used to describe Gideon in Judges 6:12. This word for valor or virtue is most often used in a military sense. 

Lynette Woods wrote in her commentary that of the 234 times this Hebrew word is used in Scripture, all but 4 times it was translated as army. Those other 4 times were used to describe women. 

So back to these 2 verses. I don't know about you but some days I don't understand why my husband loves me and I'm not sure my child cares if I'm around. Those days I doubt that I could ever be worthy of any praise let alone be described as better than any other wife or mom!!! 

But even in those times we can get excited about these verses! There are many virtuous women, but you surpass them all! There are many BRAVE, STRONG women in this world, but to your husband and children you should be the best!

"Did you note what they praised her for? Not because she was up at dawn, working into the night, or because she sewed their clothes, organized the home, and took food to the poor. They praised her for her spiritual character. What a tribute!"  - Linda Dillow (Calm My Anxious Heart)

Look at this commentary from Anne Pratt: 

In other words, her actions are a mere reflection of her character and intent.

Some days we do well just to get out of bed and get the kids and ourselves dressed. Sometimes we are struggling with grief and loss and can barely function. Other times are ducks are in a row and we have dinner in the crockpot, craft projects being accomplished and our hair is curled instead of in that messy bun. Those things don't matter - what matters is that in these circumstances, when we've given all of ourself, we have been brave and virtuous!

As 2013 rolls to a stop and 2014 is knocking at our door, let's set our hearts to be virtuous - women of strength & bravery! Women who punch Satan & his lies in the face and choose to be more than conquerors! (Romans 8:37)

Lord, remind me when I'm discouraged overwhelmed and not feeling "enough" that I have value in you. Help me to have bravery and strength. Remind me, and may I be faithful, to suit up in your armor every morning. Remind me of what is important-don't let me be like Martha too intent on checking off the to do list that I forget to sit and rest at your feet, Jesus. Help me to be the wife and mother you've called ME to be. Remove the temptation to believe the lies that I need to do or be more. In you, I am enough! As I start this new year, help me to be a wife, mommy, woman of valor and strength. Use me for mighty things!

Dear 3pm

Dear 3pm,

I hate you. You steal my energy each and every day. You give me the munchies for things like Little Debbie Christmas trees and crunchy Cheetos. You laugh at those last 3 things on the to-do list and say "yeah, right". You are when I realize each day that my back hurts from bending over to pick up toys for the 30th time that day. You remind me of the additional 6 things that needed to be on my to-do list. Sometimes you even stoop so low (like today) and encourage babies to resist naptime. 3pm...you are miserable. 

Sincerely, 

The Early Bird aka The Morning Person aka The Mom Who Has Been Up Since 5:30

Dear Parents: parenting matters

Dear parents,

Parenting is exhausting. It’s hard work – I know from experience. Kids get into everything, play with everything…and then leave everything. I get it. It’s tiring and overwhelming and wonderful – sometimes even all at once! But from one mom to another, can I be honest for a second?

I firmly believe we are doing our kids a disservice. When we are tired and we don’t enforce rules, we’re saying apathy is ok. When we laugh off a child’s failure to put things back where it belongs, we teach them not to value cleanliness. When we let a child tear up property that isn’t theirs and don’t do anything about it, we fail to educate our child that everything has value and is worth protecting.

This comes from some recent observations and it’s frustrating. Sure, you probably took your kid(s) to this place because they were climbing the walls at your house! However, we don’t get a break from parenting (unless you count those nights where the babysitter’s in charge – please parents, tell me you take those nights!?). We knew that when we were pregnant and attended the baby classes. But now we KNOW it! We live it. It takes a toll on us. But in the scheme of life, 18 years is nothing. So hang in there parents. We’re all tired. We all are overwhelmed. But please please please! Don’t give up on parenting.

Teach your child they can play with as many things as they want, but what they get out must go back in its own place. Teach your child to respect property – both theirs and others. Teach them that if something breaks, gets torn, or they lose their mind for a minute that it’s ok, but that there are consequences. The consequence may be simply saying “I’m sorry” or it may be working to earn money to replace it. But teach them consequences. Teach them with rewards too! Reward their good behavior! Reward them for putting things back. Reward them for obeying rules! It doesn’t mean big rewards – verbal praise or a hug is enough. They simply need to know that they’re doing things right.

We lose the right to complain about other's children, or our society, or even simply our own children when we forget to parent. If we're not living it - in the trenches, exhausted, weary, overwhelmed to tears, excited, laughing with our kiddos, rolling on the floor, baking cookies, and cleaning the house side by side with them - we don't get to complain. Today, I'm in it. Today I'm living it, so I write this with a clear conscious. Tomorrow, this may come back to bite me. It's a day by day struggle and I know it.  Hang in there! Keep it up! Parenting matters. You matter.

Enough

I haven't blogged hardly at all in months and months! Life is crazy with Reed, moving, getting our first home, camp, my brothers funeral, and trying to get into a routine. In the midst of it, many times I wonder and worry if I'm enough. Am I cleaning enough, enjoying the little moments enough, fixing enough healthy food, loving Andy enough, loving Reed enough, teaching Reed enough, creative enough, spiritual enough...am I enough? 

Andy sent me this article today http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blackberry/p.html?id=3209305

I cried. Maybe it's the sinus infection I have, or the Monday blues, or just that it's exactly what God wanted me to hear but I sobbed and Reed came over to comfort. (I adore his love & compassion for loved ones & the hurting!!)

Then God spoke in his quiet voice. You are not enough. You will never be enough. You aren't supposed to be! I am. I am enough my child. I can love Andy enough. I can love Reed enough. I can be enough for everyone. You don't have to be. You simply have to rest in me. 

So on this Monday when boxes still need unpacking, laundry needs to folded, I can barely breathe through my stuffy nose, Reed only wants Daddy who's at work, and I feel exhausted...I will simply do what I can. Because at the end of my life (or shoot, just today) I want people to see Jesus. Not a clean house, sweet kid, perfect marriage, tasty food or anything else. Just Jesus. He is enough! 

Pinterest world

Pictures are worth a thousand words. Like this one. Fun, water, baby, playtime, stay at home mom, laid back day, wish I was having fun instead of...

But see what you don't see in this picture is the other words. Frustration. Blew this up with my own lungs, grass all in the water bc Reed kept crawling in the recently mowed grass. Reed tried to crawl out, wouldn't listen, almost hit his head on concrete. Tried to climb up his slide ( not pictured) while wet, almost busted. Went inside...he screamed and I wanted to. Now he's pulling everything off the shelves. I'm sick and need this second dose of antibiotics to work fast. 

We live in a social media world where images barrage us. There's arguments over whether its bad or good or whatever. But ultimately this is how life is and this is what our kids will know. So if we look at images on Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram or watch videos on Vine and think "man, they have so much fun" or "they have it all together" we need a reality check. Because if we as adults choose to play the comparison game, how will our kids ever learn confidence? It's up to us, me, to set the bar high but be ok when I come in under that bar. Goals are good, but some days we do ok to survive. Pat yourselves on the back if you're at least surviving today!

We survived

We survived Monday. We didn't thrive by any means, but we survived and some days that's the best outcome for the day. But yesterday I woke up with Ecclesiastes 3 pressing on my heart. So I read the chapter I've read many time before. For everything there is a purpose, a reason for everything under the sun. A time.... Fill in the blank - laugh, cry, dance, grieve, kill, heal, etc etc. Then the chapter ends with kind of a downer statement - but one that hit me in the face. I'm paraphrasing but basically "enjoy life now because you won't come back from the dead to enjoy life. "

So I took on yesterday (and aim to take on everyday) with that in mind. There is a time to cuddle and a time when it will end. A time to wipe off snot, drool, etc from every imaginable surface and a time to reminisce on those days. A time to work out and a time to stop and laugh with your son who things jumping jacks are really funny. A time to do push-ups and a time to once again stop and laugh with your son as he snuggles under your arm when you push up and thinks you're hugging him.

I hear it weekly from multiple sources to enjoy this time because it goes fast. I think a lot of those people saying that forgot how exhausting and intense this stage is for us newbies. However, that doesn't negate the truth in that statement. And most days I do ok with this. But ok isn't enough for me or for my precious baby boy. I must keep striving to enjoy every moment in every stage.